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Message (:   self esteem recovery - me   

17, trying to figure out who I am going to become

Day 4 & 5

Friday May 30
So the past two days have been alright, no super intense workouts or anything, but not bad at all. I did horrible at crossfit last night; cheaped out of the squats (8setsx4reps@80%) bc I was sore and just didn’t have the energy (May have been from lack of food beforehand or just feeling lack of energy) , so that sucked. I felt like a failure. The workout was like 5minutes long too, so that didn’t feel good either (so short). Today was alright, 15 mins of cardio circuit, 10 sets of 3reps @165lbs (squats), box jump tabata, deadlift/v ups tabata , and a short butt workout at the end. I walked to and from school as well, and aside from the cookie at breakfast and lunch, I ate pretty well. I’m feeling anxious about eating a kashi bar at 11pm along w Greek yogurt and spinach, but I know I shouldn’t because I am not worrying about what I eat anymore, and it will prevent me from binging in the morning. I’m going to do my weekend circuit tomorrow

— 2 months ago
#binge free  #I can do it  #inspiration  #eat clean  #balance 
"Once we begin to celebrate what our body does rather than obsessing on how it looks, we start to appreciate our body as an instrument rather than an ornament."
Ashley Turner (via thefitnesschange)

(via fullbodiedlovin)

— 2 months ago with 13198 notes
Day 3 binge free

Wednesday May 28

Okay, I want to do this. I want this to be the streak that lasts, so I don’t have to start the binge free challenge again for the millionth time. I’m doing this for me, for all the hard work I out into working out, for the body I want, and to be happy, balanced, and proud. I got tzaziki sauce on my pita, even when I didn’t have to. I am going to eat a good breakfast tomorrow, since today has been kind of restrictive (partially because I ate like 6 servings of pasta last night). I did a 20minute AMRAP at lunch, then a lunge tabata for each leg, and the class powerfit strength workout. I did my 100 squats and the 300 rep ab challenge tonight, and will prob go eat some popcorn now. Anyways, I am staying confident and smart!

— 2 months ago with 1 note
#binge free  #last time  #21 days  #habit breaking 
Day 2 binge free..?

Tuesday, May 27
Sooooooo idefk if today was a binge or not; ate a huge snack when I woke up from my nap, then ate a hhuuuuggggee serving of pasta and like 4 pieces of cheesy garlic bread and a couple fudge cookies after dinner too…. I was so full, but managed to go to Crosfit (which made me feel a lot better) I don’t know whether or not this was a binge! In some cases it was, because the calories consumed were equivalent (maybe even more) and I ate wayyy more than a normal portion. But, I did not keep going back down for food, and never got to the point of feeling like vomiting. So, I feel like this is my body’s way of getting into the zone of eating what it needs to eat, the no restricting policy; this happened last time I started my binge-free challenge. Thus, I will count today as a binge-free day, but hope to not go through this transitional setback again.

— 2 months ago
#binge  #recovery  #i can do this  #fitspiration 
Back to Day One of Binge Habit Breaking

Monday, May 26
So I binged four days in a row. I think it happened because Thursday and Friday, I was unclear with what my workout was to be, and because James said he didn’t see us being compatible or see anything happening between us, and that he still liked Cassie. So, I was very upset about that, and with the vitals check in there, I guess I felt I had leeway to binge on Thursday and Friday. But Saturday night and Sunday morning were just unacceptable binges that have absolutely no excuse. I just didn’t care. Where is my drive? My motivation? I’m getting it back. And it started today. Today was day one (again) for no binges. I MUST make it to 21 days this time, because it takes 21 days to break a habit. I am going to do this by carefully planning how much junk I can eat, planning workouts, and just always making sure I have a plan in check. Take a deep breath , I can do this.

— 2 months ago
#binge free  #get it right  #put in work  #results  #success  #i can do this 
Don’t even know what to say

I fucked up. Big time. I binged. I had a corals check, so I guess I was more lenient with what I ate, but I got carried away. No exercise. Just a shit load of unnecessary food, wasn’t even craving (maybe a bit at lunch). Skipped crossfit which I’m pissed at myself for. Went to east sides with Cassie’s family for dinner and ate way too much pizza and it wasn’t even good. Matt talked to me a bit though and acknowledged me and stuff. Anyways, my chem assignment isn’t done so I’m banking on three hours of sleep to get it done tomorrow morning, but the worst part of tonight was the fact that James told Cassie me and him weren’t compatible, and that he’s not sure about me. And he’s been texting Cassie like crazy… It’s clear he really likes her. Anyways, he’s already hurting me and we don’t even have a thing, so I fuckkng I’ve up. It’s too distracting and just causes me grief. So you could say today has been a huge piss off, and that I’m upset with myself and very discouraged with my love life. I hope to turn things around tomorrow. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Chin up, kid.

— 2 months ago
#fuck  #me  #stupid  #i hate myself 
Day 10 & 11 Binge Free

Woo hoo!!! Doing well!! Skipped my lunch workout (did it after school instead) so I ate more than I should have at lunch time (felt like it coulda been a binge if the caf was open), but was hungry when I got home from working out/crossfit, and had a healthy dinner, so that makes up for it. Hangout w J.A. Tonight! We made out but I wanted him to say he wants to hangout again 😞 oh well, I’ll try not to get feelings and hope for the best but expect the worst!

— 2 months ago
#woo hoo  #progress  #binge free  #I can do this